Understanding Mum’s Dilemma

I remember in my younger days, Mum has a younger sister who will always visit her now & then. She always popped in when Dad is not around. And the conversation between them was always in whisper. When Dad found out about her visit, Dad will show his displeasure. It is because of this, we, kids, never tell Dad about Aunt’s visit.

As we grew older, we became more aware of the visits. You see, my Aunty is a gambler. When she ran out of money or when she hard pressed to return borrowed monies, she would come to Mum to bail her out. In those days, we were not rich and Dad had to work long hours to put food on the table. Mum tries to save every cent she could. But each time Aunt pops in, we are one step behind.

While Dad shows his displeasure, there was not much he could do. The last straw came when Mum “loan” the saving for a house that Dad was planning to buy to Aunt, who promised to pay it back within a few months. It never materialised. Frustrated, Dad cut back Mum’s home allowance, in hope to break this vicious cycle.

Mum always complained Dad does not give her enough money but when Aunty dropped in, there is money to give her.

I tried to tell Mum to stop supporting her bad habit and she has to put a stop to it.

“You are not helping her in this way. You have to be brutal, put your foot down and say no” I told her.

“You do not understand” she replied.

“Yes I do” I replied, “She married a well to do husband, get the money off him. Her children well fed and better clothed than us, why are we paying for this?”

I threatened to cut my allowance to her. My well learned sister-in-law argued “Once you give Mum the money, it is her money and she could dispose it any way she sees fit.”

“It is easy for you to say” I replied, “Why don’t you give her your money? The money I gave her is for her to enjoy, not supporting Aunt’s gambling habit. I might as well keep it and put it into better use.”

In the recent year I began to realise why Mum continue to support her sister. It is Aunt’s constant threat of killing herself or the Ah Long constant threat of harming her family and her that makes Mum venerable. Mum cannot live with her guilty conscience if Aunty held true to her threat or any harm comes to Aunty. I guess it is also Aunty other brothers and sisters have given up on her and no longer want to help her. Her only lifeline is my Mum. My other post also open my eyes and help me understands Mum better.

Mum being a Christian, somehow cannot turn away from some one in need. No matter how hard Mum’s life is, she put her sister needs and other people needs first. Mum must have shed many tears for her sister, my Aunt.

Matthew 5:42

“Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you.”